Borrowed Stress

This morning I'd want to share on the subject of stress.
Too many people today are so stressed up and they can't seem to find a way out hence, seek for different ways of
escape including dangerous ones with destructive and costly consequences hence this morning lets share and
see how we can effectively deal on the subject of stress.
This one is titled, "borrowed stress."
Stress is a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances.
Stress is always about situations, circumstances and conditions you find yourself in that are quite exerting.
Life, you'll agree with me is by nature challenging.
Anything you want out of life, you must earn it. You must pay the price in sacrifice, labour or value exchange. In this life nothing good comes easy. This simply means an appropriate degree of pressure or stress is necessary for
us to be stirred up and motivated to achieve things in life.

This kind of stress is good and productive.

However, when strain and tension endured in order toacquire, achieve or accomplish anything in life becomes
excessive, abnormal and extreme, it becomes dangerous and destructive.

Many young people today are struggling
with ill health as a result of stress.
High blood pressure has become quite rife amongst very young people. This of
course is mostly tied to a stressful life style.
But let's think together this morning. That situation, that matter, that issue stressing you so much and tinkering with your health, is it really a do or die situation? Is it a matter of necessity or sheer desperation on your path? Is your
stressful life a matter of need or a matter of desperation in life? If you let go of that pursuit, that ambition or quest, would it cost you your life? Let's face it, that desperate chase may already be toying with your life your health and longevity, so what about letting go, if you do, will it still cost you your life, health and longevity? What is the profit if
you achieve your goals and make all the money but unfortunately die early or become too sick to enjoy anything?
Tell me, are you holding on to that very stressful employment because you're afraid of losing your source of
income? You're permitting, abuse, misuse and overuse by your employer simply because you're afraid of losing your job? But do you know it's possible your desperation has little to do with losing your job or income and it's more
about your mindset and your ego?

Let's get real, friends, family and the society respect and really admire you because of where you work – is that
what you don't want to lose? – The respect and admiration from people; holding on to your social status could be your real stressor not the need to retain that employment. The oil company big boy, banker big girl,
multinational big boy - that may be your real stressor. It is not really your income, I tell you this, I have a friend, she
sells hair extensions, she goes from office to office and has got customers all over key areas in Lagos, this lady
believe me makes about a million naira in profit every month! She doesn't have a boss, she wakes up when it's
right and goes home when she's tired. Her products are in her car, she doesn't even have a shop. She's happy,
peaceful and stress free in life. Many employees don't earn a million a month. Dear friend, holding on to that
employment that is gradually killing you is a matter of choice; its borrowed stress.

Many of us hold on to stressful situations and circumstances because of ambition, competition, desperation and the opinions of men. We embrace
dangerous lifestyles and exerting mental and emotional conditions to create an impression, live up to expectations
and generally flow socially. It's amazing to even hear some people brag and boast about sleeping in the office or
spending many hours in traffic every day. I assure you, these are not the keys to wealth; they're the thieves of
your health. Intelligence, creativity and great results are the modern ways to promotion and wealth; not extreme hard
work; working like a horse is outdated, using your brain is the new rule.

Another major stressor for many of us today is that desperation for control. We want to control others. We have certain expectations from friends, lovers, spouses, relatives, parents and children. You want your friends to treat you the way you'd treat them, you want your wife to treat you with proper respect, you want your husband to love you in a particular way, you want your boyfriend to treat you in certain ways, you want your girlfriend to behave just as you wish, you want your children to act and
behave like you always tell them, dear friend, nothing can be more stressful and emotionally tormenting like trying to
control other people. People will do what they want in your presence or behind your back depending on how much
regard they have for you. Stop trying to coerce or force people to do what you want. Advise them, express your
hurt, your disappointment and your displeasure then let it go. If you don't, these people would stress you
emotionally to pieces! Don't hold on, even God does not force anybody. Free people I beg, just pray for them.
When you let people go and let them be, you will find relief. Refuse to get upset or angry by disappointments, betrayal
or dashed expectations, don't go the extra mile for anyone if it will be hurtful if they don't reciprocate when it's your
turn. Just do your best and leave the rest. Don't let anybody, no matter how close cause you high blood pressure. Love yourself and love your life and choose to stay healthy.
Truth is in this life, many times our stress is borrowed, the source is not in us, they are transferred from other people and other places; they are founded in how we want people
to see us and how we want people to treat us. The day you set yourself free from the opinion and judgements of
men, your stress level will drop drastically.

I'd like to state the following as ways to reduce your stress
level drastically:
1. Know your capacity. Don't exceed your capacity especially in living standards. Live within your means
while working hard to increase your income and better your lifestyle. Living beyond your means will stress you
to pieces.

2. Set your milestones in life. Develop a roadmap and tell yourself when you would be able to do or embark on
certain things. Don't buy a car you didn't plan towards, don't buy a land you didn't plan towards, don't do things because your so called mates are doing them.
Plan your own life, move at your pace.

3. Grow your capacity before taking on a new challenge. Don't bite more than you can chew. What you can do now you can do, what you cannot do now, you cannot
do now, take your time to grow, growing is not a crime, sudden wealth or breakthrough can at times be destructive, growth is better!

4. Let go of upsets and offences. Don't be desperate to prove anything to anyone who thought nothing of you
and made it obvious. Let them go, let it go, you're not in this world for them, they're not your God, let it go.
Prove only to yourself and no one else.

5. Be thankful. Never forget what you have by focussing only on what you lack. A life of gratitude is a life of
peace and ease. Count your blessing and be grateful.

Frankly Speaking
-Muyiwa Afolabi
Entrepreneur, Social Reformer.